Ten Years Gone

we planted a tree for you one year ago
it has struggled to hold on to life
so we water it
not regularly, but infrequently
long, deep drinks of cool liquid
flowing slow from the hose
sifting down through the soil
along with our hopes
that the tree will grow as strong as you

this summer, I removed the spray nozzle
setting up a slow soak
and now I can’t find it
so washing the car is
an exercise in irritating inefficiency
but at the same time a reminder of your struggle
against inefficiencies of cardiovascular plumbing
so I leave it broken

on Saturday, your sisters helped me wash the cars
when we weren’t scrubbing or rinsing
one of us stood vigil at your tree, giving it a long drink
remembering, hoping, praying

the tethers between us are real, my son
we miss you
as we try to keep on with the work
of life
and the pain and joy
of love
nurturing hope every day