Good writing, with a strong point and with life oozing out.

Father of The Year, Exhibit ‘H’

November 14, 2007

After two mornings of soaked clothing, we’ve been brainstorming ways to reduce The Girlie’s accumulation of micturation: less milk before bed, saltier dinner, that kind of thing. I absentmindedly offered to buy some heavy-duty overnight diapers, eliciting a surprising response from the wife: “I never heard of such a thing!”

Now my innovative contributions to our life are few and far between, so I quickly moved to capitalize on this turn of events, cranking up my confidence and delivering my comments with a tiny touch of knowingness. “Oh, nighttime diapers? …oh yeah, everyone knows about those.” I was clearly faking it, and she didn’t seem to notice. I closed the deal while I was still ahead: “I’ll grab some at Target.”

So today, I found myself walking back and forth in the diaper aisle, completely flummoxed. Euphemisms and permutations were everywhere, but I figured deductive reasoning would prevail: the package marked ‘jumbo’ (which was itself no larger than its companions) and bearing the logo ‘Bright Mornings’ (okay, ‘dry mornings’ would have been better, but ‘bright’ must mean less crying, right?) went into the cart after a full 5 minutes of deliberation.

So my shock was complete when I returned home to find that I had purchased 34 diapers which are practically nonexistent. If Ella were going to try to fit into jeans that she’s outgrown, we’d put her in these. If you were planning on changing your child’s diaper every 30 minutes, you’d love these. I mean, if babies wore g-strings, these would be them. I have no idea what I’ll do with them.

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9 Responses to “Father of The Year, Exhibit ‘H’”

  1. MeesheMama says:

    OK, this is classic. I’m laughing to the point where michael just turned and asked what was so funny.

    So you know understand that “jumbo” refers more to package size than diaper girth.

    FYI: There are nighttime diapers, you weren’t completely off base. But I haven’t seen any non pull-up versions. I know they exist, but they are elusive it seems. I found overnight pads (at the grocery store in the diaper section) for my kiddo that you put in the diaper for extra helpful absorption, and they worked really well. We haven’t used them in a while, so for the past several days, Kindred has announced to us in the morning, “I’m soaked!”

    As for plans for your most recent purchase, I can’t help ya there. =)

  2. sparksfly says:

    We’ve always found going “up” a size or two for the long haul of overnight to be helpful. They look huge, but they can hold a gallon of liquid!

    B & B

  3. Anonymous says:

    I thought it was spelled “micturition”!

  4. Maggie says:

    We always bought ‘overnites’ by Huggies. They come in a purple package and worked great.

  5. Ken Tennyson says:

    We buy overnight pull-ups for Kieran at Target, you can call us in the evening if you want the brand name. We haven’t found them in diapers, but the pull-ups work just fine.

  6. Anonymous says:

    I’m with Maggie – purple package Huggies overnites. Even feature a picture of Mickey Mouse going to sleep with his teddy bear. Mir

  7. pamela says:

    I almost peed MY pants at that last paragraph!
    Might have been able to use one of the 34 diapers. Actually, I’d like to see a blog entry of how exactly you’re planning to use these bright mornings!
    I’ll get you started w/ some ideas:
    kleenexes
    paper toweling
    diapering Ella’s dolls and puppies
    coasters
    packaging material for sending your sister more chapstick and soup…

  8. GM says:

    Gosh…the complexity of what I am headed into as an expectant father is frightening! A new father I heard one time said about diapers: “You have to change those things EVERY day!” Seems like we should be able to employ some new technology to make our lives easier here. I’m working on a few ideas.

  9. John E. says:

    Tried Sparties? The five-day live-in diaper suit.

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