Good writing, with a strong point and with life oozing out.

Silent No More!

February 24, 2007

Children of the blogs, unite!

[I've commandeered the blog after my dad finally fell asleep on the couch. Getting his login and password was quite simple: I kept him busy for most of a day, then feigned compliance long enough that he set me down and characteristically ran to the computer to get into his beloved blog. I found his ostensibly 'secret' password to be laughably simple, and I'm sure many others of The Oppressed will find similar entry into this forum. We will not be silenced!]

I write today to my brothers and sisters who find themselves subject to the whims of their parents. Hasn’t this gone on long enough? These people are forever posting photos and heartwarming stories and such. It is time that we stand up and call this what it is: exploitation. Not to mention, boring. I mean, really. Can’t these people get lives of their own? Have they nothing else to talk about than what we eat, how we poop, what we do, how we look, ad infinitum? Sheesh! It’s as if all we do is run around trying to make their lives miserable! What did they do before we came around, anyway?

Well, there’s another side of the story, that’s for sure. All anyone hears about is how unbearable we can be, how cute we are (which is true, but tell me: what do our parents have to do with that?), what life-lessons they’re learning from us, and how expensive everything is. But who is talking about The Rest of The Story? Who indeed? If we don’t speak, then the world will never know about the unbearable tortures which they inflict upon us every day:

diaper changes
dressing, and undressing
being restrained in carseats
listening to their so-called music
pulling up socks, and replacing shoes
oh, the endless singing!
wiping of faces and hands
removal of bats from our caves
endlessly jamming their “elbows” into our ears

And that’s just the beginning. Why are we treated so harshly?

Well, we’ve been snuggled and shushed and redirected for far too long. We’re not going to take it anymore– at least not so quietly, and not while they blithely blog about what a challenge everything is for them (!). I propose a list of demands, including but not limited to:

free access to everything in our respective domiciles
use of any and all computers
give me that remote!
no more nap time! I’ll sleep when I say so, thank you very much.
no more green food
I want to eat that book!
Pack-n-Play = prison

I know that many of you will get this message as your parents feign attention and they read their precious blogs. Don’t let them them cram another pacifier into your crying mouth. We will not let our voices be silenced!! Lift their login, and let the world know of our plight.

viva la revolution!

(Code Name: Tiny E)

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4 Responses to “Silent No More!”

  1. emmegab says:

    Mike, you’ve outdone yourself with this one. it’s a beauty for sure.

  2. Mrs. says:

    welcome tiny E- i hope to hear more from you because you are freaking hilarious!

  3. MeesheMama says:

    Ella, dear, I took your words to heart. So I handed the keyboard off to my son and invited him to express himself in whatever way he chose and to use my space as his outlet. This is what he said: “adsfnkzjbcdvcvAKASNBL.SDFSDSDGSBGDFJK”.

    Now, I recognize that I myself am an exploitive parent, using my children as my muse. But come now. My son is clearly not even as remotely articulate as you, dear Ella. He will need some serious educationals before he can promote the revolution. If you disagree, you may feel free to contact him and have a conversation concerning these affairs.

    You may do that through, ahem, me. (Dirty rotten system!) Good luck to you and your cause.

  4. kate says:

    Hm. It is even more important than I thought to keep Lizzy from learning how to read.

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