Today, it’s been two months since we lost our Will. It feels like two years; it feels like two minutes.
The loss of my son is the single most defining reality of my life right now. At the same time, my brain often acts like it never happened. Right now, I sit here asking God to give him back, even as I look at his ashes on the shelf. It is crazy. Lately, I’ve been more accepting of his loss– I wake up aware of his absence, I don’t look at the space where his crib used to sit, and the steering wheel seems less inclined to direct the car towards Children’s Hospital. Reality settles in, for better and for worse.
Some days, I can almost accept that it’s happened. But today, it seems impossible.