Good writing, with a strong point and with life oozing out.

Remembering

November 12, 2006

Today, it’s been two months since we lost our Will. It feels like two years; it feels like two minutes.

The loss of my son is the single most defining reality of my life right now. At the same time, my brain often acts like it never happened. Right now, I sit here asking God to give him back, even as I look at his ashes on the shelf. It is crazy. Lately, I’ve been more accepting of his loss– I wake up aware of his absence, I don’t look at the space where his crib used to sit, and the steering wheel seems less inclined to direct the car towards Children’s Hospital. Reality settles in, for better and for worse.

Some days, I can almost accept that it’s happened. But today, it seems impossible.

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4 Responses to “Remembering”

  1. Amy says:

    sigh. I so know what you are saying. It’s been 3 yrs and 9 mos and I still have days where I add up our family members and come up with 6 and not 5. I struggle every time someone asks me how many children I have.
    RE being defined by the loss of my child. In someways I think it is making me a better follower of Christ…a better person. For that I can be thankful.

  2. Anonymous says:

    For those of us who never had the chance to meet Will, it really seems like it hasn’t happened. I have a hard time believing you’re not all four together, right now.

    Shonda

  3. Anonymous says:

    I know I think of you all each day
    and just know that this period of grief is so difficult with mixed emotions which I think are totally
    understandable and even I can’t beleive at time that this has all
    happened and that Will is gone. I still look at his picutures that I have printed off and just wish I could hold him a pour some love into him. Ella is such a joy to look at. Love you all so much and pray that God will give you peace.

    All My Love
    Aunt Faye

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