1. Yesterday, the mail carrier delivered two bills. One is for the deductible at the Hospital for Sick Children (50K in treatment for 500 bucks seems a pretty good deal…). The other is the final bill for the funeral. I’m not feeling any particular stress about them; they were expected and we have the funds available. I’m just thinking that there must be something poignant about getting them both in the same day, and I can’t think of what it is.
2. I think about my son’s life and death constantly. Especially those last hours we spent with him, and the hours we spent with his body. Yet, at the same time, I’m beginning to forget details about him. His muscles and bones, his sounds, his smells, and his appearance are beginning to fade. The pain remains, but the good memories are getting fuzzy. People say that I’ll forget some of the more difficult stuff, and remember more of the happy times, but honestly, I don’t want to forget any of it right now.