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Circadium: Oxymoronic

August 25, 2006

Even though I’ve been to the CVS about 5 times since we’ve been home (it’s just up the street), I haven’t quite remembered to get toothpaste. I get weird mental blocks like that. I did, however, remember it on my solitary trip to the Trader Joe’s, where kinda-natural foods are the order of the day.

So I got their generic toothpaste. Which I expected to be weird. I heard somewhere that most toothpastes are really sweet and sugary, which seemed true, and also kinda ironic, when you think about it. This stuff is the opposite of sweet: it is super bland, with a dose of mint. You dont’ usually taste mint without sweetness, and I kind of miss it. I think it is mostly baking soda, so it’s just plainer than plain, for the most part.

But the strange thing is that the label says, “All Natural — Anti-Cavity”. Which made me think, ‘aren’t cavities themselves pretty natural?’ I mean if we’re going to get right down to it and be really organic, aren’t we going to have a few more cavities? Or maybe we won’t eat so much refined sugar and corn sweetener, so that we won’t. But still. I guess it has flouride, which is natural enough, but not exactly something you find in your backyard. I heard once that they still don’t know exactly why flouride works to prevent tooth decay. Weird.

So I guess I want my toothpaste to be a little *unnatural*, if you know what I mean. Because my teeth are a little yellower than they were when I started this tube. Which is probably because I still drink coffee (all natural, so don’t take it from me) and red wine (same deal, so back off). So I should Peapod some anti-placue, anti-cavity, anti-anti, whitening toothpaste next time, and get back to my more or less natural self.

This reminds me of when we started to get concerned about cleaning out the kids’ ears. We started asking various medical people what we should use, since we knew we shouldn’t just jam a Q-tip in there and besides, Q-tips were just too big, anyway.

“A warm washcloth” seemed to be the concensus view: “just gently massage the ear with water and a cloth during bathtime, and that stuff will eventually work its way out”. Which is no doubt true, but not at all in keeping with my timetable. I wanted to say, “Look, Doc, you don’t understand. I’ve already waited a couple of days to ask you about this! I need something now! Something with chemicals or effervescence or magic that will flush all of that stuff out of there.”

In the end, I suspect that if my doctor knew me better, he’d just say, “obsessive people like you shouldn’t shine flashlights in their kids’ ears.”

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5 Responses to “Circadium: Oxymoronic”

  1. dstavlund@aol.com says:

    mike

    our ancestors used baking soda and corncobs to clear off our teeth-

    iowa dad

  2. Hmm…my ancestors used sugar cane to brush their teeth…and they’d pepper it with refined sugar and cacao beans each use…I think it did the trick.

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