Good writing, with a strong point and with life oozing out.

The Road Ahead

July 16, 2006

“This happens to people,” is the thought that echoed in my head when I had some precious moments of solitary silence. It provided some strength, somehow, as I stood in front of HSC waiting for our dinner to be delivered and looking up into the night sky and across a quiet neighborhood.

I suppose the thought is indicative of me moving from ‘shock’ to ‘acceptance’. Sometimes, the road ahead seems very, very long and very hilly. And on some days, the road actually stretches as we see the fixed waypoints ahead pulled farther away from us. A several-day period without weight gain means that we have expended time and energy without anything substantial to show for it. A couple of breathless sessions with the bottle, and it is easy to feel overwhelmed with the radical inefficiencies in Will’s circulation and breathing. A sizable intake of milk followed by an equally sizeable episode of reflux leaves us heartbroken. We wonder how long this 5-part course of surgeries might last, and what our son’s faculties will be like as he grows up. We wonder how long we can keep walking and how long our friends and family will be able to continue with their determined support.

On other occasions, the path seems to level out and the markers bunch together. Some good solid sessions with the bottle, a little gain in weight, a few days of care under our belt, some hopeful hints from the staff here, and we can feel jubilant. The Boy is remarkably strong, and is in fact teaching us actual and metaphorical lessons as he leads out on this road to recovery. Given a 50-50 chance at survival, he has outpaced expectations at almost every point along the way.

In all of it, it is tempting to feel alone. But in the still of the night, in the impatient waiting for delivery of some organic Chinese food, the sky and the city seemed to chase away the lonely.

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One Response to “The Road Ahead”

  1. dawnrw says:

    “We wonder how long we can keep walking and how long our friends and family will be able to continue with their determined support.”

    Thanks for the continual posting. It helps those of us who are far away remember to pray. I keep saying “that’s all I can do, pray.” Then I say to myself, “all?” Anyway, then I deliver food or keep a child or pack a box or 10 for one of my own neighbors, or someone does it for me, and I am grateful once again for the people who are in close proximity to you. Thanks again for the posting. I’ll keep up my prayer support, you keep up the updates as well as you can, and kiss your wife and kids for me. And I guess I won’t send brain stimulating toys . . . these new parents and their crazy new ideas. Geez. You can’t keep up!

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