Good writing, with a strong point and with life oozing out.

Run On

June 11, 2006

For the second time in as many days, when I got to the bottom of the parking garage escalator, I was at a complete loss to remember where the car was as yesterday I thought it was where I parked it the day before, and then I thought it was where I left it two days before that and then today I just had absolutely no idea where it was for about two minutes because I’ve been coming to the same parking garage and living the same day again and again where I wake up at least once during the night to burp and change (the girl, not me) and then finally get up in the morning and drink coffee and try to keep up with email and school stuff while I burp and change and get something to eat and some for the wife and then I do a bunch of stuff like sterilizing and packing and showering and eating, plus more burping and diapering and helping with the pumping and sometimes running an errand and then it’s hours later and we need to get going so we can see Will and we drive there and talk in the car and then we park the car and go upstairs where we feed, burp, and pump and eat something ourselves, again and again while we also hang out with Will until shift change at 7, when we sit for an hour before going back to say goodnight to the boy and ‘hello’ to the nurse and then I sing in the hallway as I walk to security for the parking pass and back to the garage where I start to wonder if I need a day off, since it is getting harder and harder to keep the days straight but I think “how can I leave my boy here?”.

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4 Responses to “Run On”

  1. Anonymous says:

    Precious parents, may you just continue to keep going. With grace and mercy may you continue to keep going with the lack of sleep, the fear of the unknown, the not so easy people to deal with all around you AND as brand new parents.

    Shonda

  2. Liz says:

    When I was taking care of my dad he had an extended stay in the hospital — more than two months. At this point he was still mobile, but he was like a big mobile infant. He had lost the ability to take care of himself. He had no memory. (The cancer had matastized to his brain.) I felt I had to go to the hospital every day to take care of him… make sure he had ice, make sure his menu was filled out with foods that he liked (one time a nurse filled it out for him and picked every single thing he despised), and just make sure they were taking care of him the way they should. I’m not saying that the nurses and doctors weren’t good — it was a fantastic hospital with an amazing staff. But even the best nurses and doctors are over worked these days. They have so many patients to care for, they can’t give every patient the kind of care that a daughter (or a father) can.

    So, every day I took a twenty-month Elizabeth, packed up her diapers and snacks and toys and grabbed some work I could do while visiting with my dad and went to the hospital. But after several weeks I got to the point where you are. Exhausted, overwhelmed, and feeling guilty that I wanted to take a day off. But you know what… Taking a day off isn’t really a bad thing. You need to be strong to take care of Ella and Will. If you really push yourself to the breaking point and make yourself sick… then you’ll miss even more days from Will’s bedside. Look, I can’t tell you what to do; you’re an adult. But I learned the hard way that going to see my dad every single day because I felt guilty about leaving him alone for one day was not the right thing for me. Eventually, I got so tired I just had to take a day off. I could feel in my bones that I was on the verge of getting sick. That turned out to be such a good thing. I was able to rest and when I returned to my dad’s bedside, I was better able to take care of him and be his advocate.

    Whether you decide to take a day off or not… we’re here to support you. Let me know if there is anything I can do.

    (((hugs)))

  3. dawnrw says:

    Mike,

    I was exhausted enough just from reading your sentence that I took a break to refill my coffee and came back to finish it. I don’t even have to read your whole sentence without taking a break if I feel like it, let alone LIVE the mad craziness that you & Stacy are experiencing.

    I’m still praying for superhuman endurance, and incomprehensible peace and freedom from guilt in the moments when you let yourselves off the hook to recharge your batteries.

    Thanks again for the updates. You are continually in our thoughts and prayers and we delight to see the progress of your beautiful family. I really wish I could hug you all in person.

    Love,
    Dawn

  4. Heidi @GW says:

    Hello Family! I can’t believe it has been a month already. I bet you both are so tired that you can believe it! I wanted to let you know how much we all think of you here at GW. We look at the blog almost every day to see how you all are and to check the amazing progress of Will. We don’t want to wake you during a stolen moment of shut eye, but we all think of you every day. Any laundry for me? – Heidi and the gang at GW

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