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Heard From the Couch

April 24, 2006

I’m trying to declare a moratorium on the phrase ‘uh-oh’. Sitting here in the kitchen, I just heard a plaintive ‘Uh-Oh!’ from the living room. After launching out of my chair, jumping into my shoes, grabbing the car keys, and picking up the giant bag, I asked, “Uh-oh What?”.

“The average American eats 137 sandwiches each year.”

Which is a fascinating statistic, no doubt. And a tally which I easily surpass in the first quarter of any given year. But it does not, I submit, warrant an ‘uh-oh’, which term should forthwith be reserved for pregnancy-ending developments, dropped babies, scalded skin, or imminent death, if you please.

Sheesh.

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7 Responses to “Heard From the Couch”

  1. [REDACTED] says:

    If it were up to me, every American should have to study sandwich making for at least one year in high school. Sandwiches are the perfect food, but poorly made sandwiches are the scourge of the sandwich eating crowd.

    And there is absolutely nothing wrong with eating more than 400 sandwiches a year. Unless they are all deep-fried meatball subs. then you might be in trouble

  2. Chris Kirk says:

    I agree, Mike. My friend Jamie is notorious for these amazingly dramatic sighs at the sight of completely random and unimpressive occurances. It really should be stopped!

    Anyway, I wish you guys the best and can’t wait to hear the good news.

  3. Liz says:

    You guys should rent some of the old TV shows where they’re waiting for the blessed event. My faves are the I Love Lucy — Where Dezy keeps saying, “The Time has come!” and The Dick Van Dyke Show… watching him practice sleeping with his hat is hystical and of couse I love that he ends up wearing Buddy’s pants to the hospital. Then again, the All in the Family one is pretty funny, too. Archie’s hosptial atire is classic All in the Family. Hey, what can I say… it’ll either make you insane for waiting or you’ll laugh your head off.

    But I’m glad to hear that you’re still cooking over there. Tell Stacy to keep her legs crossed ;-)

  4. sonja says:

    Of course, I’m certain the saintly Stacy would never do anything to tease you, would she? ;-)

    Perhaps you should draw a deep breath and saunter next time you hear that phrase … your house isn’t that big …

  5. kate says:

    Heh heh.
    I’d say, you really don’t need to be in any hurry — the first take their time — except that we all know a certain D.D. for whom that was completely untrue. And if memory serves, your bathroom is NOT big enough to deliver one baby in, let alone two!

  6. erin says:

    Can she say, “OW!!” (As in, OW! 134 sandwiches!)

  7. kate says:

    Erin, that sounds so African of you! I love that expression.

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