Good writing, with a strong point and with life oozing out.

Caught in the Middle

January 29, 2006
this is an audio post - click to play

searching for emotion
that eludes me
but somehow
sneaks up behind with a tap on the shoulder
torrents of inopportunity

it is just below the surface
somehow
deep and overwhelming
I could drown in it, I know
yet it is silent and still
at least for now

prone to sadness and self-pity
I’ve been much more worked up
over a lot less
so this is eerie
eerily calm.

I want to be angry,
sad, disappointed,
forlorn, depressed
but I’m just
nothing

I walk slowly through the store,
wondering why everyone is staring at me
until I realize
I’m on my fourth lap
of the produce section
and haven’t touched anything

I’m the one who is looking at them
taking in their faces
looking into their eyes
in the way that people
don’t

Looking for something
some sign of recognition or pain
some signal that they feel something
that they know something
that they have come through suffering intact
that I’m not alone

the empty
is inside of me
waiting for the other shoe
to drop
so that I can explode

but I don’t want to explode
or even simmer
I want to walk smoothly
through the fire
and come out on the other side
‘though he slay me, yet will I trust him’

stuck inside my head
analytical about emotion
chasing the tail of the dog
that might soon turn on me

Moving in the artificial light
of an ongoing day
the hands of the clock
turn late into the night
but they do not beckon me

I sleep lightly
and wake up to another day
not sleepy or rested
not anxious or invigorated

just moving through the landscape
of people whose lives continue on
surely they have sadness
heartbreak, tragedy

Everyone takes their turn at this
don’t they?
everyone goes through their fire
everyone wonders wearily

If it is our collective story
then we never tell it
never reveal it
never

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4 Responses to “Caught in the Middle”

  1. kate says:

    Is it glib to say that was really good?
    I’m sorry, Mike. Our hearts are with you … It’s okay to respond to all this however you want to. It really is.
    When I’m mad at the world, a trip to the batting cages makes me feel better. Hitting the crap out of some softballs. Let me know if you want to go sometime.

  2. P3T3RK3Y5 says:

    who could know what to feel. we love you all along the way.

  3. WMS says:

    yes… pete and kate extend very great thoughts… if you ever want to take my boat out and just ponder on Burke Lake as I do with the quiet laping of waves and wind, my truck and my boat are yours.

  4. Lora says:

    crying with you, though you may be crying without tears or knowledge, or not crying at all.

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