It was laying in the corner: a cheesy notepad with some scratchings on it. I have reason to believe it is the work of the elusive Rev. Richard Lamblove:
“I write with a Christian pen, on Christian paper, from the back of a Christian auditorium, smack in the middle of a huge Christian church, engulfed by a giant Christian parking structure, surrounded by a Christian beltway engineered for smooth traffic flow, all located on a large Christian campus.
“The Hispanic groundskeepers swelter in the 90 degree heat outside, while conference attenders walk a gauntlet of missions organizations hawking their wares from 3 by 8 foot tables. The air is cold and the Starbucks is hot, but no one is allowed to bring any beverages into the auditorium.
“The cheery Joy Inducer and Enhancer of Divine Reputation brings us to The Throne while stroking a guitar, “Let’s worship the Lord.” Suddenly, he is teleported to the piano, where he introduces the second song, “this next one is off our new CD, Wholly Devoted, which is available in the conference bookstore.” The gentle piano flawlessly supports the next transition: “musicians and missionaries have a lot in common, because we both know about blending cultures.” He continues with a sensitive yet upbeat prayer/piano noodling, which becomes the intro to the final song.
“The Point Person for Creation of a Warmly Welcoming Celebration Environ collects chuckles with stories about Supreme Court appointees and information about lunch, and then introduces Rev. Brian of the Resistance. Who kindly talks to the assembled missionaries about colonialism, imperialism, Christian arrogance, cultural annihilation, genocide, displacement, and theft of land. I’m not sure if his microphone is turned off, or if people are doing crossword puzzles, or if everyone is asleep. Because if people could hear him, there would either be a riot, or a revolution.”